I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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