I could have mohawked her pubes.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
