Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
