The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
