she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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