I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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