Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
