I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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