Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Randomize
