I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
