dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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