he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just googled if crying burns calories
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize