so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
