this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
