the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
