My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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