we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
