Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
