There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
