Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize