I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize