Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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