You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
