just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
