You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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