after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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