Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
