i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
