Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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