How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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