do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
