At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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