no, he came in my armpit
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
