why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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