I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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