Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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