Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
