He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
