That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
