At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
