Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
