Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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