I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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