Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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