How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
