those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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