I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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