How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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