So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
