i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
