She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
