Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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