she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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