obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
