Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
