So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
