they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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