I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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