I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
