I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
