If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
