I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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