this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
