i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just found a bag of teeth...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
