i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize