Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
