when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
