no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
