thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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