Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
