OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
