even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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