I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
