she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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